Thursday, January 5, 2012

Have a little bit of faith in me

11am (Breakfast?) : 1 Ume Plum rice cracker + 1 banana
130pm (Lunch?) : Fresh pineapple orange juice
500pm (Snack) : 1 red apple
630pm (Dinner) : @ VeganBurg- Smoky bbq burger with seaweed fries and beetroot carrot juice
1030pm (Snack) : 4 Ume Plum rice crackers + 1 wasabi nori rice cracker

Highlighted in red are the unnecessary food intake. 

I went to the gym today. Didn't do much. Just 3km on the treadmill and 5km on the stationery bike. About less than an hour in total. But it is a start. I felt great. While on the equipment, I realized I've had a lot of angst build up in me these 2 months. I've hurt very badly and it has been affecting me so much. It is eating me up. I need to get a grip and call a lifeline. Loving my body is going to keep me sane for awhile because it is the only body I've got.

Fruits on an empty stomach is always always good. Not acidic. Your body absorbs all that yummy nutrients and makes great use of it. Try to wait about 20 minutes before enjoying your meal. It helps to fill you up too so you eat less later on. 

While I'm trying to shed the excess weight now, I'm going back to 'calories in, calories out'. Not going to count obsessively but I will take note of the nutritional values sheet. I love my body shape, but not the flab. It can get better or worse right now, and I choose better. 

My girlies Sherlyn and Adeline came over to my place tonight for a last day of Christmas chill out. We exchanged gifts, chatted loads and I even cooked for Sherlyn who hadn't had her dinner after work! I was so nervous to be honest as people always ALWAYS stereotype me to whip up inedible food. Made a simple fried rice consisted of eggs, white rice, baby corn and vegetarian ham. Flavorings included reduced sodium soy sauce Japanese, pinch of sugar, sea salt, black pepper and oregano. 

 Adeline and I met up for dinner earlier at 6-ish in the evening. We went to VeganBurg. The place is good, vegan burgers as the name suggests. I've stopped eating fast food altogether for about 2 years now. So this is just a great find to substitute that. But of course vegan burger patties are always filled with sodium so, beware of that. Treating it as a treat would be good. I had the Smoky bbq grilled soy patty with tomato sauce in a organic rye burger bun with a side of seaweed fries and beetroot carrot juice. I chose beetroot and carrot to stabilize my stomach as I haven't officially eaten for the entire day.


Moving on if you're interested to continue reading on my life. I have a question...

How do you help somebody who doesn't seem to want to help themselves?

If you'd ask me, I'd just say quit it. He/ she is not deserving of ANY help. But God really hits me bad this time round. I thought after everything that has happened with this certain someone, I could just leave. I know my heart is weak and needs more loving from that person, yet it would be impossible. Running away eases the pain temporarily and allows me to feel less humiliated. I thought that is what God would want too, but no. He wants me to help that person. How? I am part of the issue in the first place. 

Most people urged me to "move on". Am I going to just walk away from this mess like the other party may have chosen to? I don't wish to be the stronger person but why is God asking me to? Today, I made plans to apply for a job that requires frequent travelling, I planned to travel myself, leave certain places and things behind. Just when I thought I COULD do that.... God strikes me in the face with this.

 13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

When you love someone, you will never leave them in the lurch. So why am I running away and choosing to abandon this person who I claim to love and care about? Even if this person choose avoidance, how do I wiggle and find a space or ground to make a difference? They say where God leads He provides, so I'm saying God, if You want me to get this done... lead me through it. 'Cos I cannot do any of it on my own. It is humiliating, honestly.

Then this song came to play. Bon Jovi's Have a little faith in me. It's as though I hear this still small voice within that friend of mine, asking me to have that little faith to believe in everything that we're going through. How can you hurt me and expect me continue standing here? I can be such a princess sometimes, but now, I'm everything BUT.

This song, the scriptures God has been throwing at me... all add up to one thing, to stay. God is asking me to stay. In Singapore, in Bethany, in my friend's life. I have yet to cast out my leaving plans until God shows me FOR SURE this is what He wants. 'Cos it is too painful to remain here. Every lyric of this song makes sense to my situation and if my friend would ask me of this, surely I would stay......

When the road gets dark and you can no longer see

Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me

When the tears you cry are all you can believe
Give these loving arms a try
Have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me... have a little faith in me....

When your secret heart cannot speak easily
I say come here darling, from a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

When your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you will see
That I will catch, I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me... have a little faith in me....

'Cos I've been loving you for such a long time, girl
Expecting nothing in return
Except for you to have a little faith in me
You see that time, time is our friend
But for us there is no end
All you got to do is baby have a little faith in me
You see that I will hold you up, I will hold you up
All you got to do is baby have a little faith in me
You see that time, time is our friend

Have a little faith in me... have a little faith in me....

xoxo. God bless.

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