Monday, December 26, 2011

Yes, I have been missing. It has been a little over a week and I have FINALLY recovered from my flu and sore throat. It sounds minor but it was bad as I had so many things to do that required mega doses of energy and my voice too. I've braved through it all and I'm here, well again except with a lot of body fat on me. Being sick I hadn't the energy to cook, hence I've eaten more oil, salt and rubbish that I could have ever eaten in the week. On top of that, it is Christmas! That means even more munching and less home-cooked meals. 

The end of 2011 is a roller coaster ride for me. There are things I am thankful for, yet at this point in time, the hurt I've received is clouding my vision. While I have never been an expressive person, I think it's time I face myself. Yesterday something happened, something hurtful, on the morning of Christmas. I was in such pain emotionally but I could never show it as it was a happy festive season. Who am I to weep and dampen the mood? I held it all in. I didn't eat yesterday. Had coffee during mid-day and forcefully ate rice and vegetables for dinner at my uncle's place. I refused to get out of bed this morning, my heart hurt, literally. I felt a tugging pain and I know my emotions were getting the better of me. I didn't want to face the world; reality. 

It is all in a simple love story. One that I could possibly journal about and write a book. It is my love story. In fact I think I am going to, I'm going to take a walk down memory lane as everything happened years ago. I'm going to remember every little emotion I felt. I want to remember what made me love, hurt and cry. I gave everything I had this 2011. I have nothing left of me, when it comes to relationships of love. I have nothing left to give someone else, this is me. One day he will leave me for good, and when that happens, that part of me will be gone for good. There is no happy ending to this story. No hope, no love, no glory, no happy happy ending. 

What will my diet be like this 2012? As my stomach is, my heart is- a mess. I can barely fine tune my emotions, likewise the food I eat. I have NOT been eating regularly. Sometimes nothing at all, sometimes too much. Everyday is a struggle. I need to find myself. I need to keep at it. I've never once given up saying, oh... don't matter, when it comes to health. I am still making conscious attempts EVERY SINGLE DAY and I guess that is something that really matters if health matters to you. 

While on the note of this festive season, a blessed holly jolly Christmas to all!

xoxo. God bless.

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