Saturday, February 25, 2012

Never shortchange yourself!

Today was a great day, that is until now, the heat in Singapore is getting to me. I am having such a bad headache and also feeling nauseous. 

Lets look through a little "timetable" of what I had today.

930am: Breakfast- 2 Fukuoka kiwi, 1 London clementine, 4 walkers shortbread fingers (whoops!)
1pm: Lunch- Homemade quinoa, steam corn, balsamic spinach (raw), mock bacon bits
3pm: Snack- 1 organic Pink Lady red apple, 1 mini pack cranberry oat cookies from Sainsburys
6pm: Dinner at Cedele- Grilled sea bass with salsa and cheese in wholemeal linseed bread, roselle tea
9pm: Snack- 1 mini pack cranberry oat cookies from Sainsburys
*Throughout the day I had a few scoops of milk powder dunked in my mouth and 2 pots of Oxycha, BodyInc's antioxidant home-blend.

I spent the day reading a lot while I was home. Health magazines, health blogs/websites and stuff. This is a little snapshot I took. A lot more to share but the magazine is downstairs and I feel to ill to even move an inch, another day then! Regarding this statement about stomach cancer,  it is serious. One of the top three cancer concerns for Singaporeans. Often people don't realize it till it hits the advanced stages. 

To be honest, 2 years back I was told by my doctor after a series of tests that I have a very high chance of getting cancer, and in my case of constant gastritis-, stomach cancer. I was devastated but I only told 1 person who actually didn't bother to reply me (it was for administrative duty purposes I had to reveal my state of health). I felt lost and hopeless, I had lost tons of weight and just felt weaker with every passing moment. I'm glad I'm here today plagued by nothing. I did a lot of things for God at the time, I asked Him for strength to bring me through so that I could honor Him. 

It pains me that I'm not taking as much care of my health as I should be. I am trying to "fit in", be like everyone else... and it always makes me wonder, why is it so tough to be ordinary, to be an average individual? I still do not have the answer to that yet, I still do not know why God is allowing me to be so frail and helpless. However what I do know is that He is here for me, always been and always will. 

While currently I'm going through a period of insurmountable frustration, hopelessness, devastation and hurt, I do not believe He allows me to go through these struggles for no apparent reason (remember Job in the bible?) but I do question Him everyday with the same thing.. "WHY?" 

I was walking home just now and listening to my mp3 which played 'I exalt Thee' by Jesus Culture. Was feeling fine, or so I thought. Before I knew it, tears started streaming down my tender face. I said out to God and to myself for the very first time, what I actually wanted to achieve in life. All these plans I've been making for myself, all these "goals" I've been trying to achieve were just but cover-ups to pull the pain away from me. Yet realistically speaking, the pain lives within me. I can run away but I cannot flee from myself. 2012 is going to be a drastic year for me. Lets see what happens!


xoxo. God bless.

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